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It’s a Man Thing.

What qualities do you associate with someone who is a car salesman?  Do the words, integrity, trust, God fearing, faithful, compassionate, friendly, and gentle come to mind?  Ray Bolam sells cars and these are words that certainly describe him well. 

Ray stumbled into selling cars.  Having grown up in rural Northumberland as part of a farming family, Ray found himself living in County Durham with his wife and their family looking for a whole new direction and career.  It was while he was participating in an adult training scheme that he was led into selling cars.  He quickly found he enjoyed the work and had a talent for it. 

Ray has always had a very active and lively faith.  It was formed by the local church school and his village church that he attended in Chatton, often on his own.  As a teenager, he was invited by his friend Terry to go to North Tyneside Memorial Church in North Shields.  Here he was exposed to very charismatic preaching and an engaging community of faith. Those days in North Shields set Ray on a journey of seeking to live out his faith in all aspects of his daily life and work. 

Hanging on the wall beside his desk in the garage where he works is a copy of the Rubilev icon, the Hospitality of Abraham and the Desiderata.  It is this image and these words that inspire Ray’s interactions with his customers and colleagues.

Ray does not make any direct connection between his faith and his success in meeting his sales targets.  In fact if anything his concern to relate to his customers in a caring and friendly way makes it more difficult sometimes to achieve them.

What Ray is clear about is that his faith does help him to relate to his, mainly male, colleagues in ways that makes a real difference.  “The world of selling cars can be very macho and everyone has to put a positive and sometime brash face no matter what they are feeling.  There can be a lot of superficial manliness that hides a host of issues and concerns that men find it difficult to face up to or talk about.”

In this environment manliness is all about show.  A lot of the issue for men is embarrassment and a feeling of being shown up – you have to give as good as you get.

“I can recall many times in the course of my working life that I have been drawn into conversations with my work mates that would make your hair stand on end.

Unless we can talk about how much alcohol we have consumed, what stupid thing we did while drunk or how ill we feel the day after, we may feel socially unacceptable. Talk about race, the opposite sex, asylum seekers, violence, all seems to be part of our daily topics of conversation both at work and when we are out socially.  Some men can find it difficult to talk about their feelings and shy away from appearing soft in front of their mates.” 

 “People often start off discussions with very extreme views about politics or race or sex. They say things just to shock others.  I have to make it clear that I don’t agree and that the truth is much deeper.  I think people want to hear another point of view.  Of course you don’t want to come across as a crackpot or to alienate people.  I find it difficult sometimes to know what to say but it is important to stand up for what is true and right.” Ray is very open about his faith at work and he often finds that his colleagues open up difficult or personal subjects with him.  They know they will get another perspective and be treated with respect without being mocked which is so often the case within an all male group.

Ray is acutely aware of the kind of ‘messes’ that men can get themselves into and the deep despair that can result.  “There are lots of issues of debt, broken relationships, separation from children, depression and so on that that men find it difficult to talk about.

Ray is sure that there is a very important place for a ministry to men in the workplace and beyond to help them to appreciate that whatever ‘mess’ they are in, God is in the middle of it with them.

“Whatever pressures might have contributed to these ‘messes’, the thing men need most is understanding and compassion and not more judgement and criticism.  They need to know that with God it is possible to transform situations that seem desperate into something that has hope. How you start to have these conversations is vitally important.  You need to open up the possibility of helping men to see that they are not as trapped as they feel they are and that God is on their side and wants to help.”

For Ray the most important expression of his faith is to be present and to relate to others as a friend.  He brings into his conversation his belief and conviction that miracles will happen and that God will act in situations completely out of the blue.  It is in these situations that Ray sees the grace of God at work.