Guilty of Being Torn in Two
Being a mum means feeling guilty. It seems that no matter what the situation, a mum feels the need to apologise. Either for working full time and missing out on time with the children, or for staying at home and 'just' being a mum - possibly depriving the children of luxuries. Some comments from mums:
As a mum of two young daughters, I have managed to juggle a number of different situations over the last 5 years. Now I work part time on two different jobs that give me the best of both worlds - the jobs do not affect my time with my girls and I am able to attend every concert, event and school trip. I want to be there when my daughters need me, but I also want to do something for myself and my sanity that means something to me. I understand that I am very fortunate to be in this situation.
I have one daughter and she has just started school. With the help of my mum, I work full time. This generally works well and even when she is ill, I trust my Mum to take care of her and I know my daughter will be happy and comfortable with her. What breaks my heart is missing out on the special events. Can I really take a day of my holiday to watch her sing carols at the supermarket? I know it would mean so much to her if I was there, but I can't be.
I need my job to pay our mortgage. We want our children to go to a good school, to live in a nice area of the town and to be able to go to the clubs and groups that they want to. I work as a teacher so I am around in the school holidays. I feel this makes up for the times during the working week when I can't be there. They would miss out on much more if I didn't work
Everything is a juggling act. I can't have the same arrangement from one week to the next because of my husband's shift pattern. Friends and family help me out with my two children but I worry that they'll begin to feel that they are just being palmed off, that they are an inconvenience. I want to work, to change my career to something that will fit in better with the children, but this is difficult.
My work is very important to me. I've worked hard to get where I am and I didn't want to give that up once we had children. Both my partner and I agreed that we would continue working. We're setting a good example to our children - working hard reaps rewards. Of course, there are times I wish I could be with them, but I think I'd be miserable as a housewife
How can a christian perspective help those mums who feel torn about the path they have taken? Perhaps by applying a basic concept of respect for what they are trying to do. Whether they choose to stay at home or work full time - or something in between - we should acknowledge their determination to do what they feel is best for their children. By respecting and supporting their work - either in the family or in the office - we help to affirm their role and hopefully remove some of the feelings of guilt.
If mothers feel that they are criticised no matter what they do, then it should be no surprise that feelings of guilt, even depression are common. If we are hoping to inspire people to live out their faith in their everyday lives - this can only be possible if those everyday lives are positive and encouraged. To live out faith in a life plagued with guilt is never going to be easy.
There are some good tips for working mums on the For Parents By Parents website - click for a list of tips from Sharon Gaskin, mum of two and a career development coach.
After Sunday would be very interested to hear your views and experiences on this issue of working mums - comment below.
Let us know your views and experiences of working mums
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